Printed in the Conscious Creation Journal
February 2004
Self Awareness
by Michael Roads
Who am I? If this is an intellectual question it will have little impact on your life, other than causing you to become a seeker of words, feeding a need to understand. And who you truly are cannot be really
understood, for it is an ongoing experience of Beingness in our state of consciousness.
When I was a young man, around thirty four, I walked out the back door as usual at five o’clock in the morning to milk the dairy herd of one hundred cows. For some reason, on this particular morning I jumped onto the children’s merry-go-round that I had made for them, and I spun around and around.
This is me, I thought. Round and round I go, day
after day doing the same routine, and I don’t even like it. Is this what life it about? Where have I come from? Where will I go? I had the uncomfortable feeling that one day I would lie in my coffin wondering what my life had really been about – and all too late. What is life, I thought, what’s it all about? Then, with a devastating impact, the big question hit me. Who am I? I felt the impact of that
moment through my entire body, both within and without. Never in my life had I ever had such a thought. I went back into the house where Treenie, my wife, was getting up, and told her what had happened.
“That’s odd” she said, “I have had the same thoughts myself lately.” How glad I am that she had, for that single question changed my/our whole life. We followed that question for the next fifteen years, and not for a second did either of us ever let it go. Had I known of the emotional and physical pain that awaited, I would have quailed before it, but nothing, not even death, could have deterred me. When ‘Who am I’ hits like that, then follow it, and never, never quit. When I was forty, I was involved in a metaphysical experience, and during this I made a vow that I would be either dead, or Self Realized by the time I was fifty. Not a problem at forty, with ten years to go, but at forty nine and three months, when I was involved in the experience of death, I knew the most acute and devastating fear possible. By submitting to death, I learned that it is an impostor, and I knew the Truth about fear. Believe me, this was not an intellectual experience! It was the experiencing of Truth, of ‘falling in Love with Self’.
So let me talk now about passion. Do you have a passion for Truth, to know self? Would you lay your identity self on the Altar of Truth, and then sacrifice your self to truly Live. This passion I speak of never dies. It grows, consuming every obstacle that mind and habit can use to dampen its fire. And in its growth is an inner joy that is indescribable. Self realization is the beginning of such passion, not an ending, and where it leads takes us not home, but Beyond. Beyond what? Just Beyond!
When we are born we take on a physical body complete with an identity. We learn to focus on these aspects of self, ignoring the true Self and our Light body. We commence a 3-dimensional, mental,
emotional, and physical journey into life. Notice I use the word ‘commence,’ not begin, for in Truth this is the commencement of another incarnation. Who you are is not born, nor do you die. The new physical
life is so overwhelming that it dominates our reality, and most people never focus beyond it. Not so obvious is the true Self and its Light body. In Truth, you are a magnificent, metaphysical, multidimensional Being of Light.
You are also immortal. You take on a physical expression to learn the rules of creation, through the Laws of Polarization. The Principles of Truth states very clearly; you live your own creation. This means that we each create our own reality, and we live that reality. Whatever the situation is that you are in right now, you created it. If it is a good situation, all credit is yours, if it is an unpleasant reality, then all responsibility is yours. Forget all about blame, it is one of life’s greatest illusions.
Polarization is about opposites, cause and effect. It is also about the creation of time, which is no more than a 3-dimensional reality. In Truth, all time is the movement of the moment, all occupying the same
space. Hence, immortality! Because physical life is so dominant, we get caught up in the belief and limitations of a 3-dimensional reality, but this is not ALL reality. Beyond our physical senses is a Greater
Reality, and as Beings of Light, this Greater Reality is available to us.
Imagine that all humanity lives in a single large room. In this room you can travel all over the physical world, but you never get out of the room. Now, because all humanity is in this one room, it is decided that this is all there is. This is the world, this is life, and there is a consensus agreement to this reality. You however, are never quite able to accept this, so from within comes an inner inquiry.
You reexamine your beliefs, life, and you develop insight. One day, after many years, you find a flaw in the walls of the room, and by scratching and scraping at it, you make a tiny hole, just enough that you can see a Greater and more vast reality beyond. Excited, you tell other people about it, but you are scorned and mocked. You show them the tiny hole in the wall of the room, but to your astonishment they cannot see it. And you realize eventually that another Principle of Truth is involved: truth is always Truth, but it is never available outside of a persons timing for Truth. And we are each our own timing!
You stay near the hole in the wall, gradually extending it, making it ever larger, and you learn yet another Truth. The larger it gets, the more invisible it becomes. The day arrives when the hole is large enough for you to squeeze through it. At the perfect moment, in perfect timing, you begin the squeeze through. There is a transcendent moment, and suddenly, you fall through the hole as you ‘fall in love with Self’. You stand now in a Greater Reality, and a paradox is revealed.
Although you are more alone than you have ever been, you are One with All life, and you will never again be alone. You learn now that in your life as a human Being, you can live and travel in the one, all containing room, but you will never again be contained. You can go beyond that room, but you can never take any other person. All you can do is teach or encourage those who are ready and willing how to find their own way beyond the confines of that room.
You will learn that the walls of the room that hold humanity are made of belief systems, fear, and conditioning. In each incarnation we either make the walls stronger and more rigid, or we gradually take away their substance of illusion. If you attempt to take those beliefs and conditioning away from people, you will attract their resistance and anger, so you simply live your truth, knowing that is each person’s timing, they, too, will find their way past the obstacles of illusion.
You can, if you wish, let it be known that you have journeyed beyond the room, and those who want you to show them the way will be attracted to you. Be prepared, however, for rejection, scorn and anger from the very fearful consensus reality. When their illusions are under threat, they react with a violence based in a deep, unrealized, subconscious fear. When you have left that room, do not think for one moment that this is the end. It is but a new beginning, the birth of purpose, the nexus of all your potential and possibilities as a spiritual Being of Light.
You have transcended ‘understanding’ for you now have the ability to ‘directly know’. If you become a teacher, know that you are still learning, and that everyone you teach is an aspect of Self in the
process of expansion. You will now know the great Principle of Truth as a reality, instead of words in the intellect: There is nothing outside of Self. The big lie that holds humanity enslaved is the lie of separation. All life is One, vast, not complex. Vast on a metaphysical and multidimensional level that is far beyond limited human imagining.
And we are Beings of that vastness. Our moment of Truth cannot be contained or restricted unless we create those very restrictions and contain ourselves. Sadly, this, too, is the stuff of human creation.
Most people live under the common illusion that they are a physical body with an identity. They believe that each body contains consciousness, and that their life is within the body; each life separate. None of this is Truth. And yet, as creators of our own reality, we can believe in the illusion and live the falsity. Of course, there is a price to pay. Under this falsity there can never be the true joy that sings its song in the spirit of One, or the peace that ‘passeth all understanding’, or even unconditional Love that is
absolute. The only absolute, in fact.
If, however, we are not bodies that contain our consciousness, then what is the Truth? The Truth is very simple; we are, each one of us, consciousness that contains a body. We have never been contained, or restricted within a body. That is our conditioned belief, and that has become our room, our limit. I am alive! And I have traveled into the
places where those souls who, at death, have left the confines of the body and traveled to. There are limits as to how far I can go, and according to the beliefs of those who have died, they too, have their
limits. To know the Truth of death, you are required to know the Truth of life. Death is an illusion! Killing a body is not real death, it is removing all chance of the metaphysical self expressing any more purpose
through the deposed physical vehicle [body].
Both the person who did the killing and the person killed will continue to work out their interwoven pattern of fear and anger in further incarnations, with new bodies and identities. How sad that we expend so much energy and time in reprisal and blame. Even worse, is when, having lived a life of inwardly directed anger and blame, we take on this conditioning, unwittingly becoming our own worst enemy. And this can last for lifetimes, becoming a deep, ingrained habit. The habit of self defeat. The obvious decline in our current emotional and mental health, along with its physical repercussions of disease is very apparent in today’s consensus reality.
Of course, there is a way out of this nasty self destructive loop, but it will not just happen. We each create our own reality, and for better or worse, it is our creation. Are you ready for change? You’re sure? Because change, real change, is explosive. I say ‘real’ change because most people avoid it. They modify a habit, or behavioral pattern, and call it change. And modification is definitely not change. Change is titanic, destroying everything both precious and unwanted, but like a phoenix rising from the ruin, a new thread of potential can begin to weave its magic in your life. But, only if you are open; only if you are ready to let go, surrender, allowing Self to rule self/identity, and with great courage, follow that thread of new possibilities. If you have this courage, invite change into your life, and promise yourself that you will find the required ability to simply ‘let go’ and let is happen. If you fight, you fight Self; if however, you trust, equally, you trust Self. That is your choice; trust or fight.
Use focus to promote this change, and trust in Self to maintain it. Focus on your Truth. You are a magnificent, metaphysical, multidimensional Being of Light. [I have had T-shirts made with these words written on them for people to buy and wear as a constant reminder of this Truth.] So now live that Truth. Imagine what it would feel like to be a totally enlightened Being, and live this imagined creation.
Another Principle of Truth: Your mind does not know the difference between a powerfully imagined reality and a physical happening reality, it only knows what you focus on. If you focus on the imagined stated of enlightenment, then your mind will create all the conditions and situations that can move you toward this Truth. Now, that’s intelligent creation!
Imagine the person whom you most profoundly respect on this planet staying with you at your home. Almost certainly, you would treat that person in a very special way. You would be courteous, caring, and very considerate to their needs. You would be honored by their presence in your life. Well, treat your Self as that very special visitor, knowing that there is no separation between self and Self. Give yourself the love and courtesy, the consideration, care, and the respect that you would extend to that special person,. In Truth, you are more special than you could possibly imagine, so honor your own specialness, and experience the natural magic that this will release into your own life.
You become Self aware by focussing on Self, not on problems and troubles. You become aware by learning and practicing awareness, by keeping your attention in and on the Self that is involved in All life.
Who you are is closer than your breath, always waiting for the moment you focus on Truth, on Self, and on the Love that expresses in every unrealized moment of your life. Live …really LIVE.
“When I write, I am not a head and theory person. I have been there. My heart, my concern, and my experience is in my words…” – Michael J. Roads
Michael J. Roads is an international speaker and author from Australia. THE MAGIC FORMULA, the sixth book authored by Michael, was released in July 2003 by SilverRoads Publishing. He has written six books with steady backlist sales and is currently published in thirteen languages. His first novel, Getting There, was awarded ‘Best Visionary Fiction of the Year’ at The ’99 International New Age Trade Show. Other titles include: Talking With Nature, Journey Into Nature, Journey Into Oneness, and Into A Timeless Realm. Click here for more information: http:// www.silverroads.com
Michael’s 2004 USA Tour includes the following events: June 5th & 6th, “The Art of Living with Abundance”, at the Omega Institute and June 12th – 16th, “Choosing Love” 5-Day USA Re*treat in Cleveland, Ohio.
©2004, Michael Roads. All Rights Reserved. Printed in the Conscious Creation Journal. (Feel free to duplicate this article for personal use – please include this copyright notice and the URL.) http://www.consciouscreation.com