I’ve been using the state lottery as a sort of litmus test where when I check the numbers, I also check in with myself to see how I’m feeling, and what I’m thinking about it. (I suppose guessing cards in a deck would do the same thing, but playing the lottery is more fun, and has more interesting potential surrounding it.)
What I’ve noticed is that for a long time, many issues about power and powerlessness and money would come up whenever it came time to check the ticket, which isn’t at all surprising of course, given the choice of medium. Thoughts would float around in my head, I’d feel anxious or deliberately careless, etc. I was working on it but I hadn’t yet managed to be with the lottery (or the concept of it and what it represented) with any sense of centeredness and peace. But the twice weekly lottery gave me a good way of continuing to work on this stuff, like a mirror in which I could check my progress.
The other day, I slipped into that place of knowingness without knowing it at first! As I started to compare the numbers I knew that we hadn’t won the jackpot, but I knew two of the numbers were going to match, as well as the mega number. The physical act of discovering which numbers they were was sort of superfluous. (We won $9 – woo hoo! LOL.) Continue reading “That Knowing Feeling”